The Hulk

“Mike, when you raise your voice, your kids see you as the Hulk.”  The angry version. That’s the perspective they have, especially when they’re young and impressionable.

When I was a young father with 3 young kids, I learned this powerful lesson from my mentor.  I never felt like that was my demeanor, even when I was angry or as Amy says, “Dad’s in business mode.”  Not that I’m a jerk in business, but my normal demeanor with my kids is much more fun and silly.  Until it’s not.

I didn’t realize this until I was given the visual.  At 7’, 1040 lbs, The Hulk possesses superhuman strength of the Class 100 level, enabling him to lift in excess of 100 tons. The Hulk only attains this strength level when he is enraged. When he’s calm, his functional strength is significantly less, perhaps in the 70-ton range.  So, no big deal. Right?

Similarly, there is a scene in the movie Monsters, Inc. where Sully, the top scarer, performs a horrifying scare in a simulation exercise.  By slithering out of the child’s closet, sneaking up on them while sleeping, and, bam! – scaring the wits out of them, energy was created. And that energy supplied the Monster world.  But Sully, who loved Boo, the little girl that found her way into the Monster’s world, didn’t understand this impact. 

After a scare simulation, Sully saw the pictures of his simulation on the screen. In his nastiest scare image, he noticed Boo in the corner watching him and scared out of her mind.  When he looked from the screen at Boo, she screamed and ran away.

That’s what my kids see?! Sully?! the Hulk?!

Yikes.

I might need to pare it down a few notches.  And I did. Whenever I was upset, I thought of the Hulk in my kids’ eyes and was able to make a worthy adjustment most of the time.

But what about us as adults with other adults? What about leaders? What is our impact on new hires, peers, strangers?  Whether you have a title or not, you have influence with people that you’re not even aware of.  They may see you far differently than you see you. Much like Sully’s experience.

Fortunately, the funniest Monster, Mike Wasowski, found out later that laughter provided 100 times the energy of fear. Who knew?  Maybe fun, laughter and connection are better ways to provide positive influence, and results.

Don’t be the Hulk, especially when he’s mad. Be Mike Wasowski, who makes others laugh. Or the happy Sully who loves Boo.