Disagree and Commit

Years ago, when our kids were much younger my wife and I always strived to build strong family connections. We still do today, but they’re just different as everyone is fully grown. Back then, we did much more together as a family, and the kids actually enjoyed it.

One problem we had was getting everyone to agree on what we would do in the evenings. Many nights, we would sit around and debate about what movie to watch, what game to play, which puzzle to build, etc. We eventually fell on an idea that turned out to be very effective. We chose a couple of designated family nights – maybe 2 or 3 specific days that we decided to do family stuff together in the evenings. With three kids and three different ideas for how to have fun, coming up with a consensus was difficult, if not impossible.

So, we decided as a team that we’d assign a night for each family member. While we’d always consider everyone’s input, ultimately whoever “owned” the night made the final decision. Knowing their night was coming gave them a little more willingness to commit to a decision when it wasn’t their night to choose. They still might have disagreed, but they had to commit if the plan was to work.

Disagree and commit – that was the rule.

And it worked. Most of the time.

When team members have a chance to weigh in on a decision, they typically will be much more likely to buy in on the decision. Why? Because they were heard. And that means their ideas were valued. And it makes it easier for them to still disagree, yet fully commit to the team decision.

Patrick Lencioni sites this as part of the 3rd element of the 5 Behaviors of a Cohesive Team: Commitment. Strong teams don’t force consensus – because that is very difficult to reach. Getting everyone to agree, always…have you tried that?

Consensus is nice, but if not, then disagree and commit. Makes for an excellent team.