Trash Cans and Hairy Lids

I once had a mentor who shut down a negative, miserable person with a line I’ll never forget. He said, “My ears aren’t trash cans with hairy lids.”

Isn’t that great?

What a perfect metaphor for people who whine, complain, gossip, and drag us into their miserable world. I get it—everyone has challenges, but some people don't want help; they just want to commiserate. They're looking for attention, not solutions, and that's a much deeper issue.

This type of behavior is a classic example of operating Below the Line. I’ve taught on this concept for years, and it's a powerful framework for personal accountability. Above the Line is where you find Ownership, Accountability, and Responsibility. This is the place for action, solutions, and growth. Below the Line is the domain of Blame, Excuse, and Denial. It’s where people get stuck, pointing fingers and avoiding responsibility for their own happiness and circumstances.

People who live Below the Line are often working in their Circle of Concern, a concept Stephen Covey brilliantly outlined in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Your Circle of Concern is everything you can't control—the weather, the economy, what other people think. In contrast, your Circle of Influence is everything you can control—your attitude, your effort, your response to challenges.

Anxiety and stress thrive when we focus on what we can't control. And when we do that, we start to shrink our own Circle of Influence. We give away our power and become reactive instead of proactive. This is exactly what happens when we let others dump their complaints on us. We're letting their issues, their Below the Line mentality, take up space in our minds and limit our own ability to act with purpose and control.

Ultimately, the people throwing trash into our ears are living Below the Line. They're stuck, and they want to bring us down there with them. The challenge—and the opportunity—is to set boundaries and refuse to become their hairy-lidded trash cans. We can’t fix their problems for them, but we can protect our own energy and stay focused on our Circle of Influence.