Ask a Better Question

Who has ever said, "I can't do this."?

Probably all of us.

It was a beautiful snowy day in Lewisberry. We love the snow, and when the kids were little, you can bet we were outside—sledding, building snowmen, having snowball fights, and best of all, building a big snow fort. I think I enjoyed it as much as they did.

I remember one evening when my son Mitchell—then six years old, now twenty-seven—was outside sledding with me. It was getting dark, and we were heading back to the house. As we walked up the hill beside our home, I noticed Mitch had left his sled behind.

I said, "Hey Mitch, you need to bring your sled."

He replied with a familiar six-year-old whine, "Oh, Daddy... I can't."

Can't?

Did my son just say can't?

I was almost shocked.

Amy and I had taught our children that can't means won't. We didn't like the word can't because it assumes we don't have a choice.

Most of the time, we do.

So I said, "Mitch, can't means won't."

Without missing a beat, he looked at me and said, "Okay, Daddy... I won't."

Well... he eventually went back and got the sled.

But I have to admit—I admired his honesty and assertiveness.

Now let's take this a step further.

Say these words out loud: "I can't."
Now say: "How can I?"

Did you feel the difference?

"I can't" shuts down possibility before you've even begun.

"How can I?" opens the door to options.

It shifts your thinking from obstacles to solutions, from helplessness to ownership. It reminds you that you still have choices.

Success rarely begins with having all the answers.

It begins with asking better questions.

So where are you saying, "I can't"?

And how is that serving you?

What if you replaced it with:

How can I start this project?

How can I build a better morning routine?

How can I have this difficult conversation?

Or even better...

How can we?

One simple question can open doors you never knew existed.

Maybe "can't" isn't the problem.

Maybe it's the question we're asking.