Pride

Years ago, I was driving my wife’s convertible on the Turnpike near Philadelphia with my wife beside me. It was the perfect day.

Until I unknowingly cut a guy off in a truck. It was my mistake, but his reaction was pretty aggressive. Fingers, horns, words, etc. I made another big mistake. I engaged. Just a little. I put my hands up. And that was it.

Nope. He didn’t like that. He slowed down, and consequently, I slowed down. I knew he wanted me to pass, but with my wife in the passenger seat, she would be directly exposed. There was no way I was going to do that. I was humbled, to say the least, but also ticked. Pride was surging, and after all, Amy’s car was a manual 6 speed Audi. I could have blown right by him.

But I stayed humble and smart and even as he drove us down under 40 miles an hour on the turnpike for at least 30 minutes, I stayed back. Not a chance I’m putting Amy in between me and him. Eventually, he got bored and drove off.

I mistakenly shared this with a few guys soon after. And they all said they would have challenged the guy. Pride. And to be honest, if I was alone, I probably would have, too. Pride. And big mistake. If you stand the other guy down, what do you gain? If he pulls a knife or gun… Be the “bigger” person.

She was there. It wasn’t about me. That helped me control my pride. Thank you.

I haven’t shared that story since, because I’ve so regretted my mistake engaging in the first place. Road rage is an extremely dangerous thing, but thankfully my pride didn’t get in the way after that mistake, and no one got hurt.

My son just had a similar experience. He was driving home on a back road. He pulled up behind a guy on a small motorcycle. He seemed drunk, driving fast, then slowing down, driving side to side. Mitch got a clear sense the guy was taunting him. He tried to go around, but the guy got in the way. Finally, at a stop, Mitch floored it past, but the guy chased. Mitch was on the road just before ours, with the guy right behind him – our house might be the safe haven. But then he thought, that’ll take this nut right to my mom. Nope. He managed to pull away at the next road and eventually lost him. Again, pride in check. Mitch didn’t engage and found the right way out.

Pride, in check, can be beautiful. But without parameters, it can lead our thoughts to choose very poor and costly decisions.

The road seems to give people false courage. It’s not a place for our pride to “drive” us. Now, whenever someone cuts me off, I never engage. I’ve found engaging makes it personal – for them and me. Not engaging, I forget about in a few seconds.

These are unusual examples of pride being challenged to rogue. And yet, doesn’t this nasty characteristic show up in so many small ways? A quick judgment with little information. “I wouldn’t do that!” Unchecked pride can lead us to biases that are unhealthy and destructive and, ultimately, break down relationships.

I’ve learned to use the highway in a much more constructive way now. I use it to learn patience. I use it to choose generous assumptions. Oddly, I use it to be a better person.

I’m guessing we could all be making better decisions by slowing down, thinking, choosing, and being better.